Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
finding a groove
Sorry for my blogging gap--transitions have a way of messing with my blogging. In any event, we've been home a month and I wanted to give an update on where we're at in finding our groove as a family of four.
In short, we're still finding our groove. If you know where it is, let us know. We'd like to have it back. :) Seriously, one of my friends told me that when dealing with kids under 3 years old, in her experience, 1 + 1 = 3. Yeah, I can totally relate to that. I never feel like there is quite enough of me to do everything I want to for each of them. I guess that's where the guilt inherent to parenthood comes in. Though I am trying very hard to avoid the beast called guilt. I'm not perfect. My kids won't be perfect. I'm going to mess up. They're going to blame me for it down the road. It is what it is. Who am I to deny them the future opportunity to talk about the shortcomings of their (well-intended) Mom? :)
Our 14 hour flight home from Korea was smooth. Kamron had a rough night the night before and finally crashed for an extended period (9 hours) on the flight. I didn't sleep, though. I just kept looking at him, waiting for him to start wailing. Let me tell you, Kamron has a really loooouuuud cry when he's really upset. I had spent much of the night before listening to it and trying, without success, to calm him. My biggest fear was a repeat episode on the plane. Thankfully, it never happened. When he was awake, I put him in the Ergo and walked up and down the aisle with him while stuffing bread and cheese in him. Ahhhh, food, the international language of love. ;)
We got home at around 10pm that Friday and introduced Kamron to his new home. Let me just say that he liked the house a heck of a lot better than the car seat. ;) We stayed up playing until 4am or so and then crashed--Kam until 7am and Ned and Dan until 9am. Me? Yeah, not so much. East-to-west jet lag and I are mortal enemies. For real. Like, with swords and everything.
Kamron busted through jet lag within a couple days and was sleeping pretty well. Dan did the same. Ned did okay, with just a week or so of midnight wake-ups asking me, "Mama? Is it lunch time?" As a result, Ned and I spent several midnights sitting on the kitchen floor in our PJs eating ham and cheese. :) And me? No sleep for about 4 days followed by a week of a couple hours of sleep. And all of that was while using sleep meds. Mortal enemies, me and jet lag. Mortal enemies. :)
After a two week "honeymoon" period, Kamron's sleep patterns fell apart and he began waking every 45 minutes or so. I would get up right away and tend to him, which instantly resulted in a wide-awake, jabbering baby. This went on for a week or so, meaning he was netting just a few hours sleep in total at night and I was sleepless again, making for a crabby daytime baby and Mama. What to do? The adoption books all say, "meet the need!" and discourage sleep training, but my gut said a modified sleep training was needed here so that everyone could get some sleep. I mean, how is bonding to occur during waking hours if everyone is exhausted and irritable? So we did it. And it worked. (Knock on wood.) After a couple nights of him waking repeatedly, me tending to him saying, "it's time for night-nights, let's go to sleep" and some back patting followed by my exit and his crying response (lather, rinse, repeat, of course), Kam is now sleeping through the night. And we're all more joyful during the day. There are some very heated opinions about sleep training, but I do know this: sleep is important for coping with change. A child (and parent, for that matter) who is not sleeping well will be ill-equipped to effectively process a change of this magnitude.
Kamron has been "slow to warm up"--we went for weeks with very little in terms of response to our baby "goo goo" antics. That was HARD. I didn't realize how much we humans are "fed" by the responses of babies. It was hard to keep going with our "goo-goo/gaa-gaas" without so much as a smile or a bit of eye contact. But we kept it up. And kept it up. And kept it up some more. And then, about three weeks in, Kamron woke up one morning responding--smiling, laughing with a full toothy grin, and maintaining eye contact from distances of a foot or more. And that's where we are now. We have pretty joyful days overall. We are still working on close eye contact--he's hesitant to look at us in the eyes while we hold him, for instance--but we know how much trust it takes to do that and we're confident time and continued love and care will be the remedy as it was with Nedy. Day by day and step by step.
Kam's current sleeping schedule is morning nap from 9:30-12:30ish, afternoon nap from 3:00-4:30ish, and bedtime from 8:30 through about 6:30am.
As far as eating goes, some days are better than others, most likely related to his teething. Days he chews on his hand more are the days he eats less. Overall, he's not picky and tries new things all the time. His favorites are Cheerios by the spoonful (eaten as cereal rather than toddler finger food), kiwi, strawberries, cheese, bread, yogurt, and ginger snaps. He drinks about 3 - 8 ounce bottles a day. He transitioned seamlessly from Korean formula to Similac.
Nedy is doing great in her role as big sister. She is very protective, always guiding Kam to appropriate toys for him (he is unbelievably attracted to things he should not have--they should make baby toys that look more...well, not like baby toys...). I was needlessly worried about her adjustment to sharing our attention. She has been helpful, kind and overall very patient. I am really proud of her and very grateful, as growing from a family of 3 to a family of 4 is demanding enough without 3 year-old drama on top of it! :) Nedy has taken to calling Kamron "Kamrony"--a nod to her own nickname I suppose. It's cute.
Kamron is content to be carried around in the Ergo, so we spend a lot of time like that. We try to get to the park every other day at least so Ned can burn off some energy and Kam can watch the kids at play. He is interested in his environment; very watchful and curious. It's funny when he mimics the "caaaaawww" of a crow or the "woof woof" of a dog. He is a skilled mimic, especially of funny faces. He has caught on to several bits of language. When I ask him, "How big is Kamron?" he holds up both arms high in the air and smiles when I say, "Sooooo biiiiiiig." He can also wave "hi" and "bye" and uses slow, open-handed pets when I tell him, "Gentle, gentle." Hank is VERY thankful he caught on to the word gentle after losing a few tufts of fur to Kam's excited hands. He looooooves animals. He squeals with delight every time he sees Hank and works hard to crawl to him. Of course, Hank waits for Kam to get within inches and then darts off. He's such an old tease. :)
Kam is now crawling "baby book style" most of the time now and is able to pull himself up to standing. Dan said he saw him creep earlier today. His feet now stand firmly flat on the ground rather than on his tip-toes or heels. I wonder when he'll walk...and wonder how much more I'll have to move out of his reach! :) He is much, much more of an environment explorer than Nedy was as a baby. As our neighbor says, "He's a boy!" Not sure I buy the whole gender-ingrained differences idea, but I will say he is much more active/busy than Ned.
I think that's it for now! I want to get some photos up, but sadly I haven't had as much time to take photos the past few weeks. I need to remedy that--these kids are growing up before my eyes! Maybe tomorrow?? :)
In short, we're still finding our groove. If you know where it is, let us know. We'd like to have it back. :) Seriously, one of my friends told me that when dealing with kids under 3 years old, in her experience, 1 + 1 = 3. Yeah, I can totally relate to that. I never feel like there is quite enough of me to do everything I want to for each of them. I guess that's where the guilt inherent to parenthood comes in. Though I am trying very hard to avoid the beast called guilt. I'm not perfect. My kids won't be perfect. I'm going to mess up. They're going to blame me for it down the road. It is what it is. Who am I to deny them the future opportunity to talk about the shortcomings of their (well-intended) Mom? :)
Our 14 hour flight home from Korea was smooth. Kamron had a rough night the night before and finally crashed for an extended period (9 hours) on the flight. I didn't sleep, though. I just kept looking at him, waiting for him to start wailing. Let me tell you, Kamron has a really loooouuuud cry when he's really upset. I had spent much of the night before listening to it and trying, without success, to calm him. My biggest fear was a repeat episode on the plane. Thankfully, it never happened. When he was awake, I put him in the Ergo and walked up and down the aisle with him while stuffing bread and cheese in him. Ahhhh, food, the international language of love. ;)
We got home at around 10pm that Friday and introduced Kamron to his new home. Let me just say that he liked the house a heck of a lot better than the car seat. ;) We stayed up playing until 4am or so and then crashed--Kam until 7am and Ned and Dan until 9am. Me? Yeah, not so much. East-to-west jet lag and I are mortal enemies. For real. Like, with swords and everything.
Kamron busted through jet lag within a couple days and was sleeping pretty well. Dan did the same. Ned did okay, with just a week or so of midnight wake-ups asking me, "Mama? Is it lunch time?" As a result, Ned and I spent several midnights sitting on the kitchen floor in our PJs eating ham and cheese. :) And me? No sleep for about 4 days followed by a week of a couple hours of sleep. And all of that was while using sleep meds. Mortal enemies, me and jet lag. Mortal enemies. :)
After a two week "honeymoon" period, Kamron's sleep patterns fell apart and he began waking every 45 minutes or so. I would get up right away and tend to him, which instantly resulted in a wide-awake, jabbering baby. This went on for a week or so, meaning he was netting just a few hours sleep in total at night and I was sleepless again, making for a crabby daytime baby and Mama. What to do? The adoption books all say, "meet the need!" and discourage sleep training, but my gut said a modified sleep training was needed here so that everyone could get some sleep. I mean, how is bonding to occur during waking hours if everyone is exhausted and irritable? So we did it. And it worked. (Knock on wood.) After a couple nights of him waking repeatedly, me tending to him saying, "it's time for night-nights, let's go to sleep" and some back patting followed by my exit and his crying response (lather, rinse, repeat, of course), Kam is now sleeping through the night. And we're all more joyful during the day. There are some very heated opinions about sleep training, but I do know this: sleep is important for coping with change. A child (and parent, for that matter) who is not sleeping well will be ill-equipped to effectively process a change of this magnitude.
Kamron has been "slow to warm up"--we went for weeks with very little in terms of response to our baby "goo goo" antics. That was HARD. I didn't realize how much we humans are "fed" by the responses of babies. It was hard to keep going with our "goo-goo/gaa-gaas" without so much as a smile or a bit of eye contact. But we kept it up. And kept it up. And kept it up some more. And then, about three weeks in, Kamron woke up one morning responding--smiling, laughing with a full toothy grin, and maintaining eye contact from distances of a foot or more. And that's where we are now. We have pretty joyful days overall. We are still working on close eye contact--he's hesitant to look at us in the eyes while we hold him, for instance--but we know how much trust it takes to do that and we're confident time and continued love and care will be the remedy as it was with Nedy. Day by day and step by step.
Kam's current sleeping schedule is morning nap from 9:30-12:30ish, afternoon nap from 3:00-4:30ish, and bedtime from 8:30 through about 6:30am.
As far as eating goes, some days are better than others, most likely related to his teething. Days he chews on his hand more are the days he eats less. Overall, he's not picky and tries new things all the time. His favorites are Cheerios by the spoonful (eaten as cereal rather than toddler finger food), kiwi, strawberries, cheese, bread, yogurt, and ginger snaps. He drinks about 3 - 8 ounce bottles a day. He transitioned seamlessly from Korean formula to Similac.
Nedy is doing great in her role as big sister. She is very protective, always guiding Kam to appropriate toys for him (he is unbelievably attracted to things he should not have--they should make baby toys that look more...well, not like baby toys...). I was needlessly worried about her adjustment to sharing our attention. She has been helpful, kind and overall very patient. I am really proud of her and very grateful, as growing from a family of 3 to a family of 4 is demanding enough without 3 year-old drama on top of it! :) Nedy has taken to calling Kamron "Kamrony"--a nod to her own nickname I suppose. It's cute.
Kamron is content to be carried around in the Ergo, so we spend a lot of time like that. We try to get to the park every other day at least so Ned can burn off some energy and Kam can watch the kids at play. He is interested in his environment; very watchful and curious. It's funny when he mimics the "caaaaawww" of a crow or the "woof woof" of a dog. He is a skilled mimic, especially of funny faces. He has caught on to several bits of language. When I ask him, "How big is Kamron?" he holds up both arms high in the air and smiles when I say, "Sooooo biiiiiiig." He can also wave "hi" and "bye" and uses slow, open-handed pets when I tell him, "Gentle, gentle." Hank is VERY thankful he caught on to the word gentle after losing a few tufts of fur to Kam's excited hands. He looooooves animals. He squeals with delight every time he sees Hank and works hard to crawl to him. Of course, Hank waits for Kam to get within inches and then darts off. He's such an old tease. :)
Kam is now crawling "baby book style" most of the time now and is able to pull himself up to standing. Dan said he saw him creep earlier today. His feet now stand firmly flat on the ground rather than on his tip-toes or heels. I wonder when he'll walk...and wonder how much more I'll have to move out of his reach! :) He is much, much more of an environment explorer than Nedy was as a baby. As our neighbor says, "He's a boy!" Not sure I buy the whole gender-ingrained differences idea, but I will say he is much more active/busy than Ned.
I think that's it for now! I want to get some photos up, but sadly I haven't had as much time to take photos the past few weeks. I need to remedy that--these kids are growing up before my eyes! Maybe tomorrow?? :)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mama's Day
We spent 10 minutes yesterday at yet another random city wall. :) (Hey, at least we've moved from brick to concrete.) Lessons? I need a lot more practice photographing two kiddos and babies don't smile when you want them to. Nonetheless, here are a few. If I do say so myself, this Mama has some adorable sprouts.
For the record, Dan is perched behind Kamron holding him up on the wall shots. I'm not that crazy for a good shot. Close, but not quite. ;)
For the record, Dan is perched behind Kamron holding him up on the wall shots. I'm not that crazy for a good shot. Close, but not quite. ;)Thursday, April 28, 2011
Seoul Day 7: Family Day
Thursday morning we woke up to Ned asking, "Hey, today is Thursday, right? Dat means it's Kamron day!" I had long been considering the transfer of Kamron to our care and how that might play out with Ned. That morning decided to ask Lisa and Josiah to ride with us over to the SWS offices and then take Nedy out for a walk during our meeting. Thankfully they agreed!
When we arrived at the SWS offices at 11:00am, we worked out that we would meet up with Lisa, Josiah and Ned at the nearby Starbucks (how appropriate, right?) at around noon. We headed up to the 7th floor and saw Kamron's Foster Mom changing him. The social worker met us at the door and said that Kam still needed his exit physical at the clinic downstairs, and asked if we would like to see the 'Baby Reception Home'. This is where babies who are entrusted to SWS's care live for the first month or so until a Foster Family is located and approved. We were excited to see it, especially since Kam spent a few weeks here.
The number of babies there--near 40--surprised me. The social worker who accompanied us said that they are always full. She noted that single parenting in Korea is not an option for many women, as support is not available and societal pressures strongly discourage parenting out of wedlock. I asked her about domestic adoption within Korea and she responded that the attitude is generally improving, but slowly. Focus for Korean agencies is to attempt placement of children domestically for a period of 6 months before referring children for international adoption. The social worker told me about half of the children we saw would be adopted domestically.
After our visit, we headed back next door to the SWS offices. Kam was back from his physical by then. We sat down with the Foster Mother and Father and reviewed all of his care particulars we had learned a few days before. SWS gave us a written report. We were walked through the bags of things they were sending with us--his favorite toys, a mobile, several sets of clothes, his bowl and utensils, lots of bottles, 3 cans of formula, diapers, and several portions of jook (rice porridge) to take the pressure off us for his next meals. Kamron's Foster Family put a lot of effort into bringing everything they thought he might need as he transitioned to our care. We are so appreciative of that.
With tears in her eyes, Kam's Foster Mother told us, through the social worker who interpreted, that she gave him her best care and lots of love. What a wonderful family.
SWS likes to keep these transfer meetings relatively short and controlled, which makes sense given the intensity of emotion in an experience like this. After about 40 minutes, we were told it was time to go. We walked with everyone to the elevator, where I had the chance to give his Foster Mother and Father big hugs. I put on our Ergo and Kamron was transferred to me. He didn't cry, just looked at my face curiously as we were immediately shepherded into the elevator; we were told the Foster Family would stay back until we were out of sight.
Out of the elevator, we said good bye to the social worker who had escorted us down and walked down the street, me with a confused baby on my front and Dan loaded to the gills with bags of stuff. We kept waiting for the crying to start, but it didn't. "Calm before the storm", I remarked to Dan.
Down the road at Starbucks, Ned ran to greet us, "LITTLE BRUDDER!!! It's youuuuuuu!!!" She checked him out, he checked her out. And so it begins.
On the cab ride back to our hotel, Kam fell asleep. And stayed that way for hours. So we went for a walk in the park.
Afterward, we headed back to the hotel where Kam woke up and starting playing. Dan said, "Maybe he's just calm?" To which I responded, "Calm before the storm, buddy. Calm before the storm." And, as if on cue, Kam starting screaming. And I mean top-of-his-lungs, ear-piercing, painful-to-witness screams. Poor baby. But I was glad for those screams. Because he should have been be screaming and scared.
All night he screamed. We tried everything we knew to do, knowing full well that he needed time to scream and grieve and just tell us how mad he was, but as parents, even to a child you've only known for a few hours, you just want to fix their hurt. Tough times. I remember those times with Ned clearly and, in my most difficult moments that night, I thought about Ned and the love we've built since then and found much comfort, for him and me, in that.
Thankfully, there was a Korean War veteran event at our hotel and our immediate neighbor told me not to worry about the noise because he couldn't hear anyway. Pheeew. ;)
After what seemed an eternity, the morning light came. Korea is known as the 'land of morning calm', and thankfully, that was our experience Friday morning. Probably due to sheer exhaustion, but calm nonetheless. But that's another post, because someone just woke up. :)
When we arrived at the SWS offices at 11:00am, we worked out that we would meet up with Lisa, Josiah and Ned at the nearby Starbucks (how appropriate, right?) at around noon. We headed up to the 7th floor and saw Kamron's Foster Mom changing him. The social worker met us at the door and said that Kam still needed his exit physical at the clinic downstairs, and asked if we would like to see the 'Baby Reception Home'. This is where babies who are entrusted to SWS's care live for the first month or so until a Foster Family is located and approved. We were excited to see it, especially since Kam spent a few weeks here.
The number of babies there--near 40--surprised me. The social worker who accompanied us said that they are always full. She noted that single parenting in Korea is not an option for many women, as support is not available and societal pressures strongly discourage parenting out of wedlock. I asked her about domestic adoption within Korea and she responded that the attitude is generally improving, but slowly. Focus for Korean agencies is to attempt placement of children domestically for a period of 6 months before referring children for international adoption. The social worker told me about half of the children we saw would be adopted domestically.
After our visit, we headed back next door to the SWS offices. Kam was back from his physical by then. We sat down with the Foster Mother and Father and reviewed all of his care particulars we had learned a few days before. SWS gave us a written report. We were walked through the bags of things they were sending with us--his favorite toys, a mobile, several sets of clothes, his bowl and utensils, lots of bottles, 3 cans of formula, diapers, and several portions of jook (rice porridge) to take the pressure off us for his next meals. Kamron's Foster Family put a lot of effort into bringing everything they thought he might need as he transitioned to our care. We are so appreciative of that.
With tears in her eyes, Kam's Foster Mother told us, through the social worker who interpreted, that she gave him her best care and lots of love. What a wonderful family.
SWS likes to keep these transfer meetings relatively short and controlled, which makes sense given the intensity of emotion in an experience like this. After about 40 minutes, we were told it was time to go. We walked with everyone to the elevator, where I had the chance to give his Foster Mother and Father big hugs. I put on our Ergo and Kamron was transferred to me. He didn't cry, just looked at my face curiously as we were immediately shepherded into the elevator; we were told the Foster Family would stay back until we were out of sight.Out of the elevator, we said good bye to the social worker who had escorted us down and walked down the street, me with a confused baby on my front and Dan loaded to the gills with bags of stuff. We kept waiting for the crying to start, but it didn't. "Calm before the storm", I remarked to Dan.
Down the road at Starbucks, Ned ran to greet us, "LITTLE BRUDDER!!! It's youuuuuuu!!!" She checked him out, he checked her out. And so it begins.
On the cab ride back to our hotel, Kam fell asleep. And stayed that way for hours. So we went for a walk in the park.
Afterward, we headed back to the hotel where Kam woke up and starting playing. Dan said, "Maybe he's just calm?" To which I responded, "Calm before the storm, buddy. Calm before the storm." And, as if on cue, Kam starting screaming. And I mean top-of-his-lungs, ear-piercing, painful-to-witness screams. Poor baby. But I was glad for those screams. Because he should have been be screaming and scared.All night he screamed. We tried everything we knew to do, knowing full well that he needed time to scream and grieve and just tell us how mad he was, but as parents, even to a child you've only known for a few hours, you just want to fix their hurt. Tough times. I remember those times with Ned clearly and, in my most difficult moments that night, I thought about Ned and the love we've built since then and found much comfort, for him and me, in that.
Thankfully, there was a Korean War veteran event at our hotel and our immediate neighbor told me not to worry about the noise because he couldn't hear anyway. Pheeew. ;)
After what seemed an eternity, the morning light came. Korea is known as the 'land of morning calm', and thankfully, that was our experience Friday morning. Probably due to sheer exhaustion, but calm nonetheless. But that's another post, because someone just woke up. :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
What's with me and cliff-hangers?!
I know, I know. The post-adoption cliff-hangers on this blog are now two too many. :)
We are home and adjusting well, despite four horrible cases of jet lag! We've made the best of it with a couple middle of the night marathon play sessions, but I am hopeful tonight we will turn a corner and everyone will get the sleep we all need.
Kamron is such a lovable, squishy and delightful guy. He was tremendously serious at first, but the past couple of days we have seen more and more of his goofy side as he giggles and plays. He loves to play with toys and go for walks outside. Oh, and he loves to eat. This morning he pounded back an entire waffle and a handful of peeled and chopped grapes. With 6 teeth. Tonight he ate 10 sweet potato gnocchi and some toast. Amazing. He's only 10 months, but he's been enjoying table food for a while now and knows what he's doing with those 6 teeth!
Ned is doing a great job. She handled the trip like a pro and, even in the midst of terrible jet lag, has been very patient and kind with Kam...until he starts chewing on her clothes, that is. "Kamwun, dat gwoss! Don't suck on clothes; they're for wearing, not eating."
Good times. Anyway, more to come over the next couple days, but wanted to at least get a small update out there to say all is well! Stay tuned.
We are home and adjusting well, despite four horrible cases of jet lag! We've made the best of it with a couple middle of the night marathon play sessions, but I am hopeful tonight we will turn a corner and everyone will get the sleep we all need.
Kamron is such a lovable, squishy and delightful guy. He was tremendously serious at first, but the past couple of days we have seen more and more of his goofy side as he giggles and plays. He loves to play with toys and go for walks outside. Oh, and he loves to eat. This morning he pounded back an entire waffle and a handful of peeled and chopped grapes. With 6 teeth. Tonight he ate 10 sweet potato gnocchi and some toast. Amazing. He's only 10 months, but he's been enjoying table food for a while now and knows what he's doing with those 6 teeth!
Ned is doing a great job. She handled the trip like a pro and, even in the midst of terrible jet lag, has been very patient and kind with Kam...until he starts chewing on her clothes, that is. "Kamwun, dat gwoss! Don't suck on clothes; they're for wearing, not eating."
Good times. Anyway, more to come over the next couple days, but wanted to at least get a small update out there to say all is well! Stay tuned.
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